Next week, I look forward to selecting my class schedule for a new master’s program. Work and recovery schedules make it possible to balance a full-time grad school program. 2021-2022 was full of changes and it was rough. I remind myself of the bigger picture, but the losses and reality checks were pretty painful. Grateful the entire crazy mess occurred at the same time: loss of friends, recognizing who had my back, walking away from crazy, and grief. Kaboom! I haven’t experienced anything like it before. Lots of nastiness, character assassination, and splitting. So, when one of the two ladies reached out to make her 9th step amends, I had to pause and asked her to wait until I was ready to hear her amends.
Making Direct Amends
I wish she had never reached out to me. The amends, I feel, caused more harm than good. There was no remorse, true responsibility taken, simply apologies. She should never have reached out if there was zero desire to repair the damage. Blanket “I’m sorry”. In my mind, I had imagined walking away with some resolution. Lost a lot of respect for her and her sponsor. And it hurt.
If you are a person in recovery who is working through your steps, make sure to bring your A-game when making amends. Ask the person, “how can I right these wrongs?” because a simple “I was wrong” is not enough. How will you fix the damage? Honestly, it was a mirror for me. I am reminded of my actions in sobriety, half-assing amends and causing harm around the fellowship. I had the same amount of sobriety, too, when wreaking havoc in people’s lives.
God is the Great Remover
Social circle A lot of positive changes were made because of the chaos and drama:
- Paid off my car
- Enrolled in a graduate program for a certificate and, next week, set up my classes for a master’s in the social work program.
- I vacationed in California to visit and attend my step-brother’s wedding celebration. Spent time with my dad, sister, step-mom, and brother with his family which was held at a museum in Danville, California
- Traveled to two conferences held in Illinois and Wisconsin
- Two retreats at my favorite retreat center
- Vacationed in Mississippi to see my five siblings with their kids. Mom enjoyed being under one roof with all her kids and their kids. Great memories.
- Traveled to Florida for vacation. My husband went deep sea fishing with his uncle at night. Caught a couple of fish that were caught by sharks.
- Took a trip to Tuscaloosa, Alabama to attend my step-granddaughters wedding. Lots of fun. Plus, I finally met my husband’s great-grandkids.
- Traveled back to California to attend my sister’s baby shower. Great time spent with family.
- A quick vacation to Goshen & Amish country & saw Randy Skaggs concert
- Closer with my husband and friends
- Learning how to sit still…maybe “too still”.
- Have spent a lot of time with my mom and siblings
- Self-care – facials, massages, cryotherapy, salt caves. Too much?
- Applied for my passport!! Dad and Faye are selling me one of their timeshares…for a buck!
- Celebrated 22 years sober
Life is too short for chaos. I must remember the reason why we (12-step community members) are here. To help others. My life primarily revolved around my 12-step activities and it was time for a change. As my father stated, “God is the great remover”. I would not have made the necessary changes, and for that, I am eternally grateful.